a very outdated letter that he'll never actually read.

Cosmo, you cannot leave me.

(By "cannot" you know what I mean.. I most certainly know you can leave me and I have no doubt you will. In 9 days to be exact.)

I spent weeks, no more like months, preparing for when the Cardinal would leave our little home here. And, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty impressive. I woke up July 10th and by the look of me during the day you would've thought my darling friend had proposed to me the night before.

But with you... there was always this great, comforting thought that Cosmo will be here forever. And I just kinda thought.. "Yeah, maybe I'll talk to him someday."

I can't really remember what happened, but I did eventually talk to you. I one day just looked at my Blessings List and realized we must be becoming friends. Because your name was getting awfully big. It's was kinda the same with Timo.

I don't know what is going to happen. Lately, I've been wondering if that should get me more excited than anxious. But I do know that one morning I'll ditch my class, grab my phone and call you. And it will lead me to the same heartbreaking sound Tyler's phone did. Nothing. And reality will rush in on me, so loud and yelling and I will not be prepared. It really does come in in waves. Pulling you in and out with the tide. I've done this 4-ish times. And I'll have to keep saying goodbye probably for the rest of my life.

But, I'm sad to know that no one will be around to miss me when I'm gone. Whatever.

This is not a low-self-esteem statement, but thank you for being patient with me. I know I say this a lot, but I have dragged you all around this place in the freezing cold, called you more than I ever call people, and talked your face completely off. Yeah, so sorry about your face.

To be extremely morbid, I keep saying to myself a line from Great Gatsby that may or may not be altered a little... "All bright and beautiful friendships fade so fast... and they don't come back." 

At some point in our pathetic lives, every friend we've ever made is going to leave. They might come back, but they'll always have to leave and things might not ever be the same as they used to be.

Dani and I were wondering what the point is in making friends right now, because everyone is eventually going to leave anyways.

But you reminded me.

I mean this about everyone. Ever. I don't know why I complain so much. I'd rather have to say goodbye than to have never met you at all. Definitely.

I'm a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I believe that about you too. That everyone left me with you for a reason. I am so glad I got to know the mysterious Cosmo Kramer.

I have no doubt you will be my friend for a long time. You don't really have a choice. Ha. You never really did.

If you don't write me back as much as possible, I will personally fly to Taiwan and rip out your lungs.

(I get stellar flight benefits. I can do that.)

"I guess we'll just have to adjust"-Wake Up, Arcade Fire