College Sometimes

Sometimes, there's just the terrifying thought always settling in the back of my mind that I'm going to be doing this forever. And it's kind of true. 5 years time seems far, far away. It looks more wonderful than ever for sure, but it looks so far away. Sometimes, it looks so far, it's only one pinprick in the dark.

Sitting in the uncomfortable chairs, numbing my bum and freezing my arms off. UVU kind of looks like a dungeon in some places and sometimes, that's exactly how I feel. Trapped in this routine and I can see no ending to it.

Sometimes I feel like I should have no more hope of human contact. I text Timo things he'll never get and I write notes to people that I know I'll never give, and I write about my day in my journal.. to no one in particular. Because who's reading it? Nobody. I even started a blog that nobody knew about and started posting to... nobody.
Because in college... I'm not there to party. I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to leave. Which is a pretty crappy attitude, I know it. But it's true. Of course I might as well be learning everything I can if I have to be there. But really, I just want to make it out of there.

Sometimes college... I really don't want to be there. I want to be having babies. Oh so many babies. I want to come home exhausted and fall into a bed with a husband who loves me and just sink next to him with a hundred blankets piled around us.

But I guess it is something of a comfort to know for a fact that this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now.
But sometimes... it's just really hard to remember that with all this massive 'college' closing in around me.