"I've had a very bad time, Nick. I'm pretty cynical about everything."
Fact: I went to church completely and totally friendless for the first time in my life.
Fiction: I didn't cry all through Gospel Doctrine.
Fiction: Nobody saw me crying all through Gospel Doctrine.
Fact: My laptop is my entire life. Fiction: Ammon didn't spill water on it today.
Fact: My laptop is my entire life. Fiction: Ammon didn't spill water on it today.
Fact: My notes for my big test this week were on my laptop.
Fiction: Ammon was really sorry about it. He told me so and everything.
Fact: I cried publicly more today than I can ever remember.
Fiction: And it's all because I am on my period.
Fact: I am obsessed with finding blessings hidden in trials. Always have been.
Fiction: There are no blessings in this one.
Fact: This hidden blessing has been HUGE. I have grown closer to my siblings more in the past 24 hours than I ever have. Who knew that had to happen with a bucket of tears? Maybe letting Amanda see that I don't actually have it together every minute of the day wasn't such a weakness after all. Maybe not fully having control of my emotions isn't such a bad curse to have fall upon me. Because Ammon sitting on the porch with me and letting me cry on his beautiful shirt- because Hannah, Hyrum and Haley especially were all so kind to me today- because Amanda talked to me late on the phone last night and because she hugged me so long today and just held me while I tried to hold it in again. Maybe because when I looked at her, she was crying too. Maybe it's all because when something is stripped away from you, it makes you stronger because you have to rely on what you have left. Building a super strong bond with everything that's left seems like a good idea, cuz these kinds of friendships are the ones that, under everything, are going to stick with me no matter what. Who knows, being alone might benefit me in ways I would've never seen coming, like today. It's hard to realize some things on your own, ya know? Sometimes, I think I need a little help.
Fact: This hidden blessing has been HUGE. I have grown closer to my siblings more in the past 24 hours than I ever have. Who knew that had to happen with a bucket of tears? Maybe letting Amanda see that I don't actually have it together every minute of the day wasn't such a weakness after all. Maybe not fully having control of my emotions isn't such a bad curse to have fall upon me. Because Ammon sitting on the porch with me and letting me cry on his beautiful shirt- because Hannah, Hyrum and Haley especially were all so kind to me today- because Amanda talked to me late on the phone last night and because she hugged me so long today and just held me while I tried to hold it in again. Maybe because when I looked at her, she was crying too. Maybe it's all because when something is stripped away from you, it makes you stronger because you have to rely on what you have left. Building a super strong bond with everything that's left seems like a good idea, cuz these kinds of friendships are the ones that, under everything, are going to stick with me no matter what. Who knows, being alone might benefit me in ways I would've never seen coming, like today. It's hard to realize some things on your own, ya know? Sometimes, I think I need a little help.
2 comments:
I LOVE THIS. I feel the same.
Ohhh...tearing up. I love this too and I also feel the same and you are so freakin' cool.
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