fear, tampons, sharks and other mean things

I haven't moved from this bed in 3 hours. At least.

There are three tea cups in my room that never were decorated.

There's a Blessings List taped to my wall that hasn't been touched in about three weeks.

There are tampons that I discovered in my room about three hours ago and they're scented.

I allowed my Self to be bothered by that more than anything because, I mean, really. Who decided to invent flower scented tampons?
That's just gross. In so many ways.
Plus, it's a lot a lot easier to be bothered by that than everything else. I'd rather fret over the small things than have to even glance at the big ones. I wish I wasn't like that.

I'm on my back, on my bed, and hoping I will sink into the sheets and never come back up again. Cuz I get like that sometimes, you know?
No matter how many chapters of scriptures I read this morning.

But I read inspiring missionary letters for a few hours and worked on my long on-going project. I don't feel like I'm wasting my life or my day or anything but I feel like I'm messing it up a little.
Oh, and also I cried a lot today.
Cuz no matter how many people love me, I forget sometimes. I forgot about my everything. The answers to why I'm here right now. I forgot about what literally makes the world spin 'round.
But now I remember a little bit more of why I'm even setting alarms to remember my morning prayers. Or why I write scriptures on my walls or why I'll go get my hair wet in the temple, even when it looks really good and it hurts to mess it up.

I forgot why I am so crucial, so important and so necessary to be on planet Earth right now. How could I be totally human and forget again??
Because it's still okay to be totally human.
Even if the world thinks it's totally out of style.