Jack Handy Quotes of the Week

"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck,and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS
that thing?!"

"I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway."

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."

"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."