I WISH I DIDN'T CARE

I don't want to care.
I hate it; I'll be honest.

I hate that I care.

I start out real selfish.
In every situation.
It's so much easier that way. I say that I don't even care if people even relatively enjoy my company, because I.
                                     Like.              Them.
But then it starts..
Very slowly, I understand them and, in that moment, I love them.
Then I start to care.
And then I start to want people to be happy with me too.

I supposed my selfish, more indignant, super hot model doppelganger side of me starts to fail and I watch my confidence being scrapped against the side walk.

The noises it makes.. I just hate everything about it.

I don't want to hurt.
So I'm not going to care.

It's too risky.
I know I pretend that I really am trying to become the brave one. And I guess my intentions were pure...
But mostly purely for myself.

Maybe I like to be the dull one.
Maybe I was born to be plain.
Because right now, the intensity in each one of my sentences is exhausting me.
And I'd like for it to end.
(maybe)
I'd like to accept real life after this. Yes. That's really what I'd like to do.


But my dreams last night say real life has ditched me.